My OCD Stories

Why do I feel very sad and feel like want to cry for no apparent reason

 Have you ever wondered why you suddenly feel so sad and the feeling is so bad until you feel like crying or breakdown when there is no apparent reason or trigger to do so? I used to have this feeling all the time for most of my lifetime until recently when I discovered what causes it and how to fix it with a very simple solution. The reason to this feeling is most likely you are suffering from depression either knowingly or unknowingly. I say this as sometimes we fail to realize what is happening to us within us.

A lot of things goes inside our thoughts and minds and unknowingly these thoughts leads to unwanted feelings causing uneasiness, worry, anxiety, stress and many more emotional issues that leads to mental imbalances causing us to lost control over our mind and body and eventually leading us to the sudden feel of sadness, loneliness and helplessness about the issue that we have been thinking of. If you have been living like this for years without taking any actions, your mind gets used to it and that’s the way your life will turn out to be. You will be always unhappy, sad and attract negativity into your life. Ever heard of laws of attractions? Once you seed negativity and sadness in yourself, you will start to attract bad vibes and negative energy more and more causing your life to suffer one after one of stumbling blocks or heartaches. Sounds familiar now or feel like hmm..this is what is happening to me ? 

I felt the same until recently. All my life, I have been suffering from OCD, ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and  Automated Negative Thoughts (ANT). My problem started as OCD and moved on to ANT. The unwanted negative thoughts just grew like a parasite in   my mind and I was unable to get rid of it. I have been searching for answers to this problem all by myself and I am glad I found what is causing this problem and also found what help option is available for me to overcome the OCD and Automated Negative Thoughts (ANT) .

My research shows that the root of all these problems is our own doing and that resides in our mind, our BRAIN to be specific. All the pains, bad experiences, traumatic experiences, phobias, anxieties, regrets and worries gets accumulated over the years and hinders our mind or brain to operate in the way it should have been. Negativity gets rooted in our subconscious mind even without us realizing it, the subconscious mind thinks by itself and keeps on sending the negative energy to our body uncontrollably or automatically. Sometimes, we may get automated negative thoughts which we do not want to think about those things, but it will keep repeating and will not go away. As times go by, we get frustrated, guilty of having the unwanted thoughts etc. Those negative energy and thoughts gets accumulated and as we reach our threshold limit of coping with this mental problem, we may start to breakdown and that will lead to depression, feeling of sadness and loneliness and some even may retort to drugs, alcohol or even suicide. 

But if you are here searching for answers, then you are on the right track. You are doing soul searching and asking questions why this is happening to you and what you can do about it. That’s very good enough. My search for the solution all points to meditation as one of most important practice that can help to restore calm and order to a person’s life. But meditation is not easy as it sounds or heard as told by others. Meditation is about emptying your thoughts and to achieve peace and calmness to attain self realization. If you want to test how hard it is to meditate, stop reading this now and do the following. Close your eyes, focus your thoughts or imagine seeing through the closed eyes the space between your two eyebrows and breathe slowly for a minute. I can assure you that within this minute, numerous other thoughts or mental chatter would have occurred all of which you do not have any control on it and all is unwanted. This is how our poor soul is pounded daily with unwanted thoughts and images and gets accumulated all over the years and it takes up tremendous amount of energy to battle the urges, temptations,lust,anger, disappointment, jealousy, phobias and whatever there is that can cause mental and emotional upsets. As long as we do not have control over our mind, we will continue to suffer. In order to have control over our mind, we have to meditate. But do not worry; we now have science to help us in meditation.

By using the EQUISYNC meditation CD, we can force our brain to achieve the brainwave pattern that is only achievable through years of meditation within days,weeks or months depending on how your personal condition. When I first listened to the EQUISYNC  cd, I manage to feel the calmness and peace return to me within a week of using it. When you continue to use it on a daily basis, you can feel the difference and will find peace, energy and love for life will return again. Read more  about my day to day experience of using the EQUISYNC meditation CD and how I benefited from it  at and take heart from it and take some action so that you too can make change to your life. Live happily from today.

Hoarding OCD – One of the most ignored symptoms of OCD

OCD sufferers are also well known for hoarding. I did not realize until recently that hoarding is one of the classic symptoms of OCD which I have been doing until recently. Do you know that I kept all the school notebooks, homeworks, assignments, pencils, pencil box, report cards and everything from school days from my early school until my degree ? Everytime my wife asked me to do housekeeping and throw away all the junks, I had always resisted in throwing up anything. Only recently that i came to know that this habit of keeping things forever is an OCD symptoms. I decided to get rid of this habit. Recently, when we had to shift our house, I took the oppurtunity to throw away everything that I have been keeping since those school days. Not only books etc, but also cloths from my early childhood days. If you have been behaving this way, get rid of it. Its time to chase away one by one of those OCD habits.

OCD Checking Habit – The most painfull OCD habit

When I was as little as 7 or 8 years old, I had this terrible OCD habit of checking all the doors and windows of the house prior to going to bed. First, I will go to bed and lie down to sleep. Then, suddenly there will be this urge to go and check all the doors. The funny part is entire family were watching me and made fun of me, but i did not care. Then, i will rise from bed and go to each door and start counting 1,2,3,4 and 4,3,2,1. Then I will make sound like locking the door…click..click..click…Then I will repeat few times more. After that , move to next door and until it were all completed. Then I will return to my bed. After a while, the urge will start again and I had to repeat the whole process again. It will take few hours to complete. It was the most horrible and tiring thing ever. Thank god, those kind of urges are no longer there. Otherwise…I cant even imagine it as an adult right now.

True Life OCD Guilt – Sex and God

My biggest obstacle and concern about OCD was something that related to the very basic human needs: faith in god and sex . When i pray to god, there was this automatic thoughts and images of sex. Likewise, when engaging in sex, the images of god and the almighty comes automatically to the mind. Slowly, ever since i started my meditation using the Equisync, I did see an improvement in this area. It is getting lesser and I am able to enjoy sex much much better right now. But having the wrong thoughts vice versa was a horrible feeling.

OCD Picking : Nose and Fingers

Recalling back those early childhood of my OCD, I remember that my elder brother had this OCD symptoms as well. His behaviours were not as odd as mine but certainly was more disgusting. He always had this  habit of licking his fingers and sticking it inside his nose and then put it in his mouth again. He does this the whole day ! I am glad that he too stop doing it when he had grown up. Anyone had seen this type of behaviours ?

I was always counting in my head: Another OCD trademark ?

Back when I schooling about 7-17  years old, I always had this habit of counting anything that I see from 1 to 4. Then I will reverse count 4,3,2,1. Then I will keep on repeating it few times until the urge is gone.  Every min of waking life is spent on counting things. I felt like going mad with this. It was so painfull. Thankfully, I no longer had this habit anymore. You had this before ?

Ocd in Action – Pain in the car park

One of the most obvious OCD action that I have till now is after I park my car at anywhere. After I park the car, I can not resist to pull the door handles, each and every one of the 4 doors in circles few times. Then I will walk away after feeling that the car is locked securely. After I walk quite a distance, I will feel the urge to go back and check again. Even though i try to reassure my self that i already made it secure the last time around, I still can’t help but to go back again. This ritual of circling the car and pulling the door handles will repeat 4 or 5 times. Once people started to notice that i am behaving strangely, then i will start to change strategy by firing the remote control button from far away to confirm that the car is locked. But since it is done from far, then I will feel that the car might not be secured properly and I will start to go back and do it all over again. Every time I walk away form the car, I can’t resist to go back and check. When people are around, after I walk away from the car, I will pretend like that i have forgotten something and put my hand on my head and will go back to the car to check again. The whole thing will make me tired and stressed up. To make things worst, I actually did not lock the car few times in the past and just recently, i left it unlock in a bad neighbourhood. These mistakes made me virtually unable to forego the car checking ritual every time i park my car. Strangely though, I have never noticed any one doing the same thing like me in the car park till now. If I saw few people like that, It would have made me more comfortable as i am not the only one like that !

Fear of elephant leg and the related OCD behaviours

When I was 5 or 6 years old, there is this one person in the village that I was staying had this elephant leg disease.  A person with this disease will have very big leg just like elephants. I had terrible fear that I will also suffer from this disease at that time. No one knows what causes this disease that time. The people around me being villagers do not have a clear explanation on what causes this disease. My grandma said that you can ge this disease if you step on bones of a dead snake. Being in a village, we are always used to play barefooted being any games or anything. When I got this information, I got extreme fear that even if i had my slippers on, the bones will still pierce thru my foot and I will still have this disease . Thus I will need to change slippers every week. I always had the urge wash to my slippers before and after using it few times. Every time I venture out,  I will walk and stare at the ground looking for snake bones. Everytime i come home, I will wash my foot with dettol 3 or 4 times. I will do that every one hour. It was tiring and exhausting. This behaviours only stopped when we moved out of the village.